Dearest baby boy,
It's been 1 year...12 months...365 days...A blink in time...An eternity, since our lives were shattered by your unexpected death, my sweet little nephew.
I was so excited for your birth...so excited to be your auntie. When we learned that your heart had stopped, I wanted to scream & scream & scream...but I didn't. It was internalized. The silent scream. We gathered together here in WA so far from you and your mama & daddy. We were so grateful that your Uncle Michael and Auntie Janelle were there with them. And we were so scared that we were not just going to lose you, but your mommy as well. We felt so helpless being so far away.
Over this past year, there were times I thought our family would fall apart from grief. The holidays were numbing. We were grieving for you but wanted them to be special for your cousin Teagan. Without knowing it Teagan was a great part of our healing. She helped us laugh again. She reminded us to love deeply instead of guarding our hearts tightly against the pain in this world.
However, with every milestone she reached (first holidays, walking, talking, exploring life) there was a little bit of me that would reflect with sadness that you would never have these milestones. Instead, you will have yearly anniversaries...different kinds milestones.
For instance, this summer your Gramma & I planted a rose bush in your honor. Your cousin helped us. It's a beautiful climbing rose called "Joseph's Coat." Its blossoms are amazing: they were yellow, then pinkish, then orange. Vibrant. Incredible.