Sunday, May 10
Happy Mother's Day...
...to those moms, moms-to-be, & stand-in moms I have the joy of knowing. Please forgive me if I forgot any of your pictures. XOXO~M
Friday, May 8
In Honor of Mother's Day
My mom is amazing. She always has been. She's been knocked down several times by life and gets back up~each time walking in forgiveness, grace, and love. She amazes me. When we were kids, our home was always filled with music & laughter. Mom was always singing or humming or whistling...I used to test her by coming up with words to see if she could find a song to go with them & she almost always could (though I did stump her today with the word "pickle"). She was the fun mom...the mom who would take all of our friends to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk & ride the rides with us, screaming & laughing. I think her joy & fun was passed down to her by her mother, who was the best grandma ever...she had to be told at the age of 75, to her great dismay, that she could no longer ride rollercoasters--doing so was destroying her eyes. Grandma thoroughly resented having to ride a Merry-Go-Round instead! Grandma definitely passed on her joy to Mom. And now Mom is the fun Gramma her mom once was. It's beautiful to see!
My GrandmotherBecause of my medical conditions, I am unable to work and really cannot handle the simplest tasks of day-to-day living~cooking, cleaning, etc. (To be brutally honest, I don't even have the strength to shower every day: gross!) And she does it all joyfully.
My gracious, beautiful mother has been taking care of me full-time for over a year now: physically & financially (which is really saying something if you knew my medical costs!!). I would be lost without her! And I really cannot express to her or anyone else how grateful I am to her.
The best thing is that we still have fun together. Some people might think it a crushing blow to have live with your mom again when you're nearly 40. But I actually love it and we really do have fun together. We are mother-daughter but also friends.
I know the following poem is rather cheesey...but it's also true!
My Miracle Mother
Mom, I look at you
and see a walking miracle.
Your unfailing love without limit,
your ability to soothe my every hurt,
the way you are on duty, unselfishly,
every hour, every day,
makes me so grateful
that I am yours, and you are mine.
With open arms and open heart,
with enduring patience and inner strength,
you give so much for me,
sometimes at your expense.
You are my teacher,
my comforter, my encourager,
appreciating all, forgiving all.
Sometimes I took you for granted, Mom,
but I don’t now, and I never will again.
I know that everything I am today
relates to you and your loving care.
I gaze in wonder
as I watch you being you—
my miracle, my mother.
By Joanna Fuchs
Mom, I look at you
and see a walking miracle.
Your unfailing love without limit,
your ability to soothe my every hurt,
the way you are on duty, unselfishly,
every hour, every day,
makes me so grateful
that I am yours, and you are mine.
With open arms and open heart,
with enduring patience and inner strength,
you give so much for me,
sometimes at your expense.
You are my teacher,
my comforter, my encourager,
appreciating all, forgiving all.
Sometimes I took you for granted, Mom,
but I don’t now, and I never will again.
I know that everything I am today
relates to you and your loving care.
I gaze in wonder
as I watch you being you—
my miracle, my mother.
By Joanna Fuchs
I love you, Mom! Happy Mother's Day. You are my hero. I admire you so much! You are a living, breathing picture of Christ's love and grace. I can't imagine having anyone but you as my mom & I am so glad that we are friends too.
I wish a could give you more than a simple blog notation, but....well, you know how it is.
Gramma & her TeaRose
Thursday, May 7
Aren't They Cute
It's taken a year and a half, but Marie & Gyspy have finally warmed up to each other. I think it was the trauma of being uprooted from the sun & fun of SoCal to the cooler climate of the Pacific Northwest. ;-) Poor babies. (Yeah, right!)
Marie has adapted fairly well....
....but I think Gypsy misses her big SoCal backyard!
This is NOT the same....
as this!!!
If these cats weren't soooo spoiled, I might be tempted to feel sorry for them...but...no dice!
PS~Yeah, if you're wondering, I am still in pain...major flare up this week. Bummer...especially for me!
Tuesday, May 5
Oh the Pain of it All
As I've mentioned before, I have fibromyalgia and peripheral polyneuropathy...and some days are good and some days are bad. Today has pretty much sucked. I am racked with pain. I am nauseated from the pain. The pain makes it difficult to even take a deep breath. I can't think well. And I feel guilty about. Ridiculous! The thing is, even when I'm having a good day there is this underlying guilt that I grapple with. It's weird.....But it turns out (thanks, Google!) that guilt (of all things!) often walks hand-in-hand with fibromyalgia & peripheral polyneuropathies~and I have both. So, I guess I have double the guilt! ;-)
So last night, while on Google, I found the following letter written by a fibro sufferer to "normals" (those who don't have this dibilitating disease). Thought I'd share it...
The Letter To Normals
Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,
Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time out of your day to spend some time with me and get to know me better. A person’s time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated.
I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM). Many have never heard of this condition and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this judgments are made that may not be correct… So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.
You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who’s attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you won’t see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You won’t see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can’t see it and do not understand....
Please don’t get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....
Most of my "friends" are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another’s sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.
I feel like a child at times... Just the other day I put the sour cream I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator; by the time I noticed it, it had spoiled. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to “lose” the laundry, only to find it in the stove instead of the dryer. As I try to maintain my dignity the demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand….
Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.
And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say “but you did that yesterday!” “What is your problem today?” The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply: that I have let my family down again; and still they don’t understand….
On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another’s face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids and grandbabies and shine when they give me my hugs or ask me to fix their favorite toy. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.
So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… and this demon…. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand….
Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and I. Please understand that I am just like you… Please understand…. Copyright of www.fibrohugs.org Written by Ronald J. Waller
Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,
Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time out of your day to spend some time with me and get to know me better. A person’s time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated.
I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM). Many have never heard of this condition and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this judgments are made that may not be correct… So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.
You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who’s attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you won’t see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You won’t see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can’t see it and do not understand....
Please don’t get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....
Most of my "friends" are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another’s sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.
I feel like a child at times... Just the other day I put the sour cream I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator; by the time I noticed it, it had spoiled. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to “lose” the laundry, only to find it in the stove instead of the dryer. As I try to maintain my dignity the demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand….
Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.
And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say “but you did that yesterday!” “What is your problem today?” The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply: that I have let my family down again; and still they don’t understand….
On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another’s face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids and grandbabies and shine when they give me my hugs or ask me to fix their favorite toy. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.
So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… and this demon…. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand….
Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and I. Please understand that I am just like you… Please understand…. Copyright of www.fibrohugs.org Written by Ronald J. Waller
There is so much in this letter that I emphatize with. I am ever so grateful that I haven't been abandoned by the majority of my friends & family and that most are sympathetic without being overt pity. But I have noticed that I don't tend to make plans too far in advance because I never know how I might feel. I also shy away from meeting in larger group and/or noisy settings because I get confused easily & find it harder to make conversation in those settings. I hate not understanding or not making sense when I talk. I also shy away from meeting new people because I'm afraid of appearing stupid or clumsy or I don't want to bore people with my medical problems by monopolizing the conversation trying to explain my issues...and I don't want people to think I am reaching out for pity or sympathy....Hmmmmmmmmm....sensing that vague underlying guilt-thing going on in this paragraph.
Oh well~just cuz I know it's part of my condition(s) doesn't mean it's going to go away, right?
C'est la vie....(insert big French shrug here).
Bon Soir ~ M
Saturday, May 2
Hot Mama
Have I mentioned that my sister, in my totally unbiased opinion, is one hot mama? Who would guess that this babe just recently gave birth to a babe of her own? She is now sporting a new haircut that I am just a wee bit jealous of!
While I miss living so close to my brother & his wife, J&D, I do love living so close to my sis & her family. I realized today that my sister & I haven't lived this close to one another for about 16 years!!!
Love that her hair works both straight & curly...Actually, mine does too~I'm just to lazy to take the time to straighten it!
Our little TeaRose's hair has been growning too...though she is sporting more of that just-rolled-outta-bed/mohak look. ;-)
While I miss living so close to my brother & his wife, J&D, I do love living so close to my sis & her family. I realized today that my sister & I haven't lived this close to one another for about 16 years!!!
~ ~ ~ ~
Speaking of J&D, if you would, please join me in praying for D & the little one in her womb... All pregnancies are a miracle of life & gift from God, but (of course) this one is special to me because that little one is going to be my neice or nephew! And it's all about me...right?! ;-)
Psalm 139 reminds us:
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
So while I know the Lord is creating his latest masterpiece within D, I also know that the Lord hears our prayers & petitions that this pregnancy go smoothly and that this baby will be healthy. J&D had another ultrasound this week & were able to hear the baby's strong heart beat & see him (or her) actively swimming around in there...all this at only 10 weeks gestational. Truly amazing! While we are waiting for the latest pix, here's one from a couple weeks ago:
Don't you just love modern technology? Baby's 1st picture has taken on a whole new meaning.
~ ~ ~ ~
Guess I'm out of musings for now...so au revoir mon chéris
Friday, May 1
Have I Mentioned I LOVE Spring!
I love spring in the Pacific Northwest~It lasts forever!!!! And it's soooo green. After years in SoCal, the green is so refreshing! And the flowers! Gorgeous! I feel so blessed. The past couple days have been a nice 70 degrees, so I can be outside & enjoy the weather. Also refreshing after feeling trapped inside in Temecula's heat. (My body cannot processs heat so I was stuck indoors w/the A/C running when it warmed up over about 75 degrees-which was most of the year there!)So far I've loved ALL the weather here~the rain, the snow, the sun.
Back in Jan/Feb, the view from our lower deck in the back looked like this (which I really enjoyed):
Now it looks like this~GREEN as can be! I feel like I am in an Adirondack cabin while I lounge out there!
And the front street went from this:
To this:
Needless to say, I love it! I feel so blessed to be here! And a bonus, my lil TeaRose is here visiting for the day. And I am only in minimal pain. Could life get any better?
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