And to all a Good Night

So, after all the hype of the media, has your Christmas come & gone? Ours hasn't. Not only is our "gift" lasting a whole week, but we also have the peace that comes from our entire family being in relationship with Jesus & knowing that one day we will be reunited with him in heaven.


Yesterday morning we celebrated Teag's first Christmas with her. She wasn't in to the presents at all~we grown-ups took turns opening them...although these pictures make it look as though only her mama opened presents with her, we really did take turns!

While she was not into opening presents, she was very into what came out of the gift wrapping~except for the shoes we got her...we have learned that Teag does not like shoes!!!

What a sad face!!!!!!

She sat down & cried til we took those horrible-but adorable-shoes off her feet!

But the toys~those she liked! Noah & his animal friends were baptized in water very quickly...

....the drooly slimey kind of water!

While it's still a bit big for her, my favorite gift that she received was a rocking horse! It even makes sounds like a galloping, whinneying horse! I think Teag liked it...she definitely liked that this animal didn't run from her grabbing like our cats do!

Ride 'em Cowgirl!

~~~~~~~~~~~

The best gift came later in the afternoon: my brother & sister-in-law arrived to spend the week with us! Their original Christmas plans~as with most of their life~changed 6 weeks ago, and we were able to have them come up to be with us.

We are so blessed to have them here with us but it is bittersweet as we wish so much that Demetri was here with us, too. But we hold on to the hope that we will be reunited with him in heaven one day...until then we hold on to one another & value each other and life in a new way...

Later in the evening some of the Huffman crew stopped by for a little bit...it was fun & noisy & yummy (Grandma Sue brought homemade fudge!)

Looks like we need a bigger living room!!!

Overall, we had a beautiful & blessed Christmas day & evening...and then we all collapsed into bed for some much needed sleep!

Merry Christmas

Pretty as a Flower

One Month...30 Days...

...a life time...

...be prepared: these will truly be mixed up musings...much of my thinking is these days.

I found a website that is for child-loss that also had wonderful things for grandparents...I only wish I could find something for grieving aunts...there's nothing out there (that I've been able to find so far) for me...and we (J&D's sisters) are heartbroken too~not just for Demetri but for J&D too.

I have had nightmares that Teag dies too. Honestly, I couldn't go on if that happened, but I know it's just that fear of more loss raising it's ugly head. On the other hand, thank God for Teag & the sweet joy she brings.

And yet with her 1st steps & beginning to really talk, her wonder over the glittering mystery that is Christmas in all its wrappings, there's that bittersweet sharp intake of breath with the thought that Demetri will never be doing this. He will never shake with joy when I walk in the door like she does; he will never want to try to walk into my arms. We will never cuddle up together & read the books I've bought for him. He will never fullfil all the dreams we had for him & it sucks.

But I would not trade knowing him~even if ever so briefly~in order to take away the pain. I'd rather endure the pain, the heartache, the dull throb that is always lurking around the corner during those "normal" moments...than to have never known him at all.

I love you, Demetri. I will never forget you...I will always speak your name with love. You will never cease to exist even while you are not here with us physically.

Watch Out World!

Make sure your volume is up for this one......

There's no stopping her now!!!

The Wonder of It All

Ah.....to have that innocent, child-like wonder again.

Walk With Me

Come, walk with me, my friend,
I'll hold your hand.
This journey is not one to understand.
There is no sorting out
Chaff from the wheat.
We have to take the bitter with the sweet.

Come, walk with me,
Along the trail of tears.
We'll share our heartbreak, and our hopes and fears.
This trail is not designed
To walk alone.
But we will make discoveries of our own.

Come, walk with me, my friend,
We'll share the load
Up every hill and down the rugged road.
No map to show the route
Or tell how far.
No compass points the way, or guiding star.

Come, walk with me,
And I will walk with you.
Perhaps we two will find a better view.
Perhaps the trail,
Though thorny on the feet,
Wll widen for two sorrowed hearts to meet.

Come, walk with me
Through brambled vine and thorn.
Step over stones that leave hearts ripped and torn.
The walk is never easy,
That is true.
But you will walk with me, and I with you.

~Gwen Flowers

I Had No Idea...

...that my heart could hurt this much....but appparently, it can.

Words Cannot Express...and yet...

Please don't tell them you never got to know me
It is I whose kicks you will always remember,
I who gave you heartburn that a dragon would envy,
I who couldn't seem to tell time and got your days and nights mixed up,
It is I who acknowledged your craving for ice cream by knocking the cold bowl off your belly,
I who went shopping and helped you pick out the perfect teddy bear for me,
I who liked to be cradled in your belly and rocked off to dreamy slumber by the fire,
It is I who never had a doubt about your love,
It is I who was able to put a lifetime of joy into an instant.
~Author Unknown

"Breathe.
Listen for my footfall in your heart.
I am not gone but merely walk within you."

~Nicholas Evans, From "The Smoke Jumper," Copyright, 2001

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

~Kahlil Gibran

Flights of Fancy

Can I just say that my little TeaRose is a girl after her Auntie M's heart: she had tremendous fun flying! Can't wait til she's ready to enjoy extensive traveling.

Oh, the places we'll go!!!!

She had even more fun on the way back cuz there were four laps to play on: Mama, Dada, Auntie M, and Gramma! Could life get any better--four cuddle spots!?

And in between she did lots of things:

She walked in the Pacific Ocean for the First Time....



She gleefully swam in Grampa Jim's great big tub....

She toured San Diego....

She got to be with her Cousin Ava!! You've never heard such laughter!!!!

And she went to her cousin's memorial service. She was a little lady who brought joy in the midst of sorrow.

A brief note: the service was heart-wrenching yet beautiful. But those memories & pictures I'm going to keep tucked away in special place for just me.

It is kind of too bad that little Miss TeaRose is so young that she won't remember all this...youth does have its downfalls!

Thank You

Thank you to all of you who have responded so graciously to the deep grief our family has experienced. You may have noticed that the postings I had up earlier have been removed. Your comments will be available to J&D but for now the images & messages are too tender to to leave up for public viewing.

Also, if you viewed my posting on our sweet boy, please do not download, forward, save, or print the pictures there-in. These images are far to precious to his loving parents & they need to be able to hold them close to their hearts.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your kind words & tender hearts that have been expressed to our family--especially to my brother & sister-in-law. We appreciate your loving care.

Faith

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

(Hebrews 11:1)

Sounds simple but is actually oh so hard...especially when we feel that perhaps, this time, God has given us more than we can bear.

Demetri

Words cannot express the grief my family is

experiencing right now.

Just this evening

our darling sweet little Demetri,

without ever taking a breath here on earth,

has gone silently to be with our Lord.

Please keep my brother and sister (in-law) in your prayers.

Demetri, my love, I don't think you can even begin to imagine how very much you are loved, how greatly you were wanted, and how deeply you will be missed.

Jesus, hold him in your arms & snuggle him for us. Hold him safe until we too~finally~join him. Comfort us as only you can.

Joy

Autumn Leaves

Autumn is one of my favorite times of year & this autumn has been glorious. The changing of the seasons has been absolutely gloriously dramatic. And so refreshing after the most decided lack of seasons' change in SoCal. Here's a glimpse of what we experienced here...along with the lyrics of one of my all time favorite songs...especially if sung by Eva Cassidy or Patricia Kaas.

The Autumn Leaves

The falling leaves drift by the window
The autumn leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sun-burned hands I used to hold

Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall

C'est une chanson, qui nous ressemble
Toi tu m'aimais et je t'aimais
Nous vivions tous, les deux ensemble
Toi que m'aimais moi qui t'aimais
Mais la vie sépare ceux qui s'aiment
Tout doucement sans faire de bruit
Et la mer efface sur le sable les pas des amants désunis

(French lyrics by Jacques Prévert, English lyrics by Johnny Mercer, Music by Joseph Kosma)

(Photos by Moi, of course!)