Nice Day Turns to Mini Horror Story...

I have so many things to post about & get caught up on, but today's events are so horribly in my mind, I must write about them now! Hopefully my writing won't be to terribly disjointed! :-)

So, my mom, Danielle & Dante, Tiffany & Teagan, and I went to the Country Village today for lunch & to walk around & have fun. We had lunch at a little Italian restaurant. The kids had a fun time running around looking at things (like ducks & roosters & windmills & lots of interesting shop things). 

See??? Fun Times!!!!

We had a grand time...what's not to love: great company, fun shops, pretty things, things with wheels (that's what's important to Dante! LOL), cousins loving on each other, beautiful weather. Lovely!

Then we made the mistake of going back to the little park so the kids could go on the little push-around merry-go-round. In the past, the cute little horse-go-round really didn't spin--you had to seriously put in a hard-core work out to get it to move at all.

This is a picture from a couple years ago when Ava was here with us & 

Teagan was only 1 & we had to push & shove to move that sucker at all!

But someone has apparently fixed it and, boy, does it work! With the merest of pushes, it spins & even gains momentum when you aren't pushing it at all. 

This guy was there with his daughter who was much older than our kids (8 or 9 maybe?)--we all got the feeling it was maybe his "visitation day" as he just didn't strike us as a father who was just out for the day with his child...I don't know how to explain it. Frankly he came off as a guy who couldn't handle raising a kid full time. Not really the point though. The point was, he had her spinning so fast on that thing that she was but a blur. However she loved it! 

But then we came along and another mother with younger kids came at the same time & the guy finally got the clue that the toy wasn't for his daughter's exclusive use...I think when his daughter said something about giving the other kids turns! So she got off & the two of them actually wandered off.

So I was on it with Teagan & Dante & a couple other kids  and we were just kind of spinning slowly, nice time. I was half-standing/half-sitting on that middle section holding on to Dante making sure he didn't just decide to get down while it was moving. He was loving it and everyone was having a great time. But guess who comes back? The father/daughter duo. His kid gets on, yells to go faster and the guy just sends us spinning. Didn't ask. Didn't notice that there was an 18 month old...or a couple of 3 or 4 year olds on there! 

I could barely keep my balance & was trying to hold on to Dante for dear life and was worried about Teagan but I couldn't really catch my breath to tell him to stop. Just as I was able to yell out for him to stop, my mom started yelling at him to stop the whole ride & then Dante sort of slumped from dizziness & let his grip on the horse go & I had this grip on him that was like a straight jacket. The thing stopped & mom ran over and Dante slid down & stumbled off with this look on his face like "what the hell just happened??" Teagan slid off too & grabbed my hand as I staggered off unsteady & sick. I gave the guy a dirty look and commented to loudly on "what the hell did that jerk think he was doing?" When my head cleared & I turned around and told him afterwards that he shouldn't do that with other people's kids...but he did it anyway, again, later... In the meantime, Dante actually peed his pants (or filled his diaper) he was so shocked! He was dry when I set him on that horse!!

The crappy thing is that what happened with Dante wasn't even the worst thing...that was still coming. The guy & kid slunk away after I snapped at him. Teagan & other kids recovered & happily get back on. Then the other kids left. Man & kid come back. Now it's just Teagan & his kid who once again screams to go fast. Teagan laughs & says something like, "yeah, go fast!" Teagan is THREE!!! So the idiot freakin' sends them spinning like crazy. Danielle was walking away to go change Dante's diaper & I was following her to give him his trusty car & we both heard this shriek & turned to see Teagan flying through the air. My sister & mom were screaming & running towards her. I turned & started running towards her from the opposite direction. Danielle started running after me, holding Dante. (My chest is getting tight just typing this!)

Teagan had become dizzy, lost her grip, & flew off!!! She landed head/face first in the cement & grass next to the spinning thing & the asshole was still kinda laughing!! 

Teagan bit through her lip, scratched her chin & face + her knees were all scratched up through her pants. She was screaming & bleeding all over & the jerk didn't even apologize. 

The guys kid said something like, "Wow! Dad, are you in trouble?!" And he laughed and said, "Yeah, I guess so!" and kept pushing her around in circles!!! (But she kept saying, "Stop, that little girl's hurt!")

Teag was able to shakily stand & my sister just grabbed her up, threw her purse at me & ran asking where a bathroom or first aid station was. My mom gave the guy a dirty look (& word) & followed. Danielle followed them & I quickly gathered up my sister's purse & the items that had fallen out.

Frankly, I didn't know whether to beat the crap out of that jerk or run with the others to the bathroom with Teag. My love for Teag won out. And I ran with the rest of the group towards the far off bathroom. When I glanced over my shoulder, though, that guy was still crazily spinning his kid around on that damned merry-go-round! (Though I chose Teagan then, I did go back looking for the him soon after & I think if Danielle hadn't had Dante, she might have gone after him too! Instead she wisely took Dante to change his very wet pants.)

Teagan screamed & cried the whole way to the bathroom (at far end of village while the not-so-merry-go-round is at front) and kept saying, "No go faster, no go faster!!!" Her mouth was bleeding & her whole lower face was swelling rapidly. We ran in the bathroom & I went into the restaurant next door & got ice. People were asking what had happened & a couple had seen what happened & followed us. People offered first aid kits from cars or stores & were very kind.

The sweetest offer though was from the woman from the awesome toy store, Toys That Teach: she brought us in, settled Teagan in a sunny corner where they had books & a cozy chair & a baby doll & a rocking horse and brought us their 1st aid kit while Teagan was distracted by all the awesome things around her. The woman didn't even mind that we brought a screaming, bloody child in--in fact she ushered us in. Very, very sweet!!! Teagan slowly calmed down & stuck her tongue back out at me so we could see if it was bit through & let mommy feel her teeth. Teag quieted & asked to sit on (of all things!) the rocking horse! When a horse bucks you, you have get right back one, you know! 

Thank You to Toys That Teach!!!

I took this lull to take the camera & hunt down the arse who had done this to our baby...he had left the area (and I think the whole shopping village), so I was spared being arrested for killing him. Truth be told, right before she flew off, all 4 of us felt like we should get her off that thing and away from that jerk, and Tiff was moving forward to do so... Should have followed our instincts sooner!

Anyway...when I got back to the toy store, Teag was curled up on mommy's lap reading a book. She couldn't really talk as her mouth was so swollen, but she did agree to go look at their train set. But when she tried to walk, it hurt too much, so mommy carried her. Then we found this fun section with all these themed sticker books--kind of part story book, part paper dolls, & part stickers. Mommy told her she could have one so she sat on my lap & slowly narrowed it down from 1 of each, to just the Ballerina sticker book & was able to carry it to the counter. The lady told her how brave she was & asked if she likes puppy dogs (think she saw Teagan admiring the $25 purse that looked like a puppy that mommy said she couldn't get!) and then gave her a whole roll of different puppy stickers for being such a brave girl! Score!!!!

She was able to walk all the way back to the front of the Village to the fabric/quilting store is where Gramma, Auntie Danielle, and Dante were waiting for us. She carefully carried a doggie sticker for Dante the whole way. When we got there she couldn't really talk clearly, but said something like, *sniff* "Heya Dante, thith thitker th for you!"  *snuffle* [Here Dante, this sticker is for you!]  (This was followed by what was supposed to be a smile).

Dante loves his cousin and looked confused by several things: her beat up face, her speech, and lastly, by her offering. 

(Later Gramma told me that he did not know what to do with that sticker! First it got stuck on one finger so he tried to pull it off, but then it was stuck on the finger of the the other hand...hmmm, pull it off...wait! Stuck back on the 1st finger. Ugh! Pull it off...back on 2nd hand/finger. Confusion mounts. This went on for a minute or so with confusion coating his face til a light bulb went off! His face brightened. He smiled. He bent down. And carefully stuck that darn sticker to the floor of the store. Sigh. Relief! ROFL)

Joyous Boy...he looked VERY serious when his cousin got hurt!

By this time Teagan had had it--she was done with this day & wanted to go back to Gramma's. It didn't matter that Gramma was staying with Auntie Danielle & Dante at the store...she cried at the suggestion of going home. So Auntie M & Mommy agreed to take her back to Gramma's (why it is Gramma's house & not mine is beyond me--but all the kids call it Gramma's house: they must think I'm the most horrible freeloader!)

We walked back to our car, carefully skirting the area with the dangerous toy (and I made fun of parks for removing those things! Now I see why they did!!!) & settled Teagan in. Out came Purple (her special blankie) and The Pluggie Fairy even made one of her pluggies magically appear (the Pluggie Fairy takes Teagan's pluggies to babies during the day and brings her one at bed time)...but poor little girl couldn't even suck on it. But she was happy to let it rest in her mouth! Then she snuggled with Auntie M's new doll, Branwen. (Yes, I have a new baby doll~another story I'll share another time!)

She fell asleep about 5 minutes into our drive. About 10 minutes into our drive she cried out in her sleep:

"No go fast! No go fast!"

And then snuggled Purple & Branwen closer. Her mommy & I looked at each other & teared up. I crept quietly out of the car when we reached my house, gently removing Branwen & replacing her with one of Teagan's stuffed animals that I had also been carrying. [Teagan had wanted them all to come with us today--who am I to argue? ;-) ]

This was last night but it's a close approximation to how 

Teagan & Branwen looked in the backseat today

Emergencies involving our precious children bring out some strange behaviour in people. For instance, Teagan's typically mild-mannered, non-swearing daddy wanted to kill the effer when he found out. Her usually foul-mouthed Auntie M didn't swear once during the whole episode, nor did she kill the effer when she had the chance (though it definitely crossed her mind--his kid being there stopped me). Her mommy was cool & calm under pressure but her Gramma who handled all sorts of boo-boos over the years was shaking. Auntie D surprised me in also wanting to smack the guy! And Dante who had been wriggling around wanting to get back on the spinning monster saw what happened to his beloved cousin & fell quiet and didn't ask to go back there again. And while one stranger hurt, many others reached out in kindness.

We have much to be grateful for. Dante could have slipped off and been injured today too. And Teagan's injuries could have been much, much worse: she could have lost teeth, broken an arm, or worse, her neck.

So while she "bounced" back this evening at home (meaning her mood bounced back to its usual cheerfulness--she couldn't eat & talking is difficult), we are grateful that our precious girl is not hurt any worse than she was. Her parents are keeping an eye on her in case of concussion. And we know God had His hand on her today--despite all of us not listening to our instincts or His nudges more quickly.

Last week when I took apart one of Teagan's roses to dry it's petals, 

I discovered all of them to be heart-shaped!

Updated 10/01/12:
Today Teagan is bruised & banged  up but her spirit is bright! She is playing & dancing, but still wants lots of cuddles...and talked Mommy, Gramma, & Auntie M into letting her spend the night here again. Milk it girl!

Birthdays & Blessings

It's 2:30 am...in 5 hours I'll be 42 years old.

Sometimes my body makes me feel about 90... 

...but in my mind I still think I'm about 20.

It's shocking to look in the mirror... 

...& realize I'm twice that! 

But it’s one’s attitude that counts, right?

I'd like to think that (most of the time) I have a good attitude...

My life is full of blessings & joy~not the least of which are the children in my life represented by these roses...

...I am a very blessed Auntie...

...a very blessed woman.

I'm thankful indeed for so much--my family, my health (such as it is!), and good & faithful friends.

My life is full & my cup is overflowing.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Sweet Boy

So, I made a little  birthday video for a friend of mind. But it is too large to upload to a private msg on FB or to email, so now I am resorting to posting it here. Which is really nearly as private since no one really reads my blog (except maybe my mom) as far as I can tell, which is fine with me. It's more of a diary than anything else. :-)

Today is the day my friend (we've never actually met in real life, but only through Facebook & blogging) gave birth to her 3rd child, knowing since 20 weeks gestation that sweet little Joshua had a congenital heart defect and would face many difficulties and surgeries outside the womb and that he might not make it at all. Joshua was a valiant little warrior who fought for over 50 days and endured many medical interventions, but in the end he went home to be with Jesus.

So today, Jill & her family observed Joshua's 2nd birthday without him there to celebrate with them. I can't imagine how difficult that would be as a parent...I've glimpsed it through my brother and sister-in-law, and know the grief of an aunt who misses a nephew, but I do not and cannot begin to imagine how that must feel to a parent. 

But I do know that I want these special friends of mine, whom I've yet to meet in real life, (Jill, Kristine, Heather) to know that they are not alone, their precious children are not forgotten, and that I stand with them in their grief and in their journeys toward healing...through the thick and the thin. Because I love them!

So....

Dear Jill,

My mom is so sweet & knows me well & even went out & got cupcakes for today before I woke up knowing I would want to observe Joshua's birth today. She prays for your family too as I read your blog to her and the funny things Caleb & Hannah are always saying.  My 3 y.o. niece loved celebrating Joshua (& so did my mom and I). She had us put on special party clothes & jewelry...and she wore a crown.

It was not at all strange to her to celebrate my friend's baby's birthday, nor was it strange when I said he lived in heaven with God. According to her, she sees angels all the time. I believe her. :-) 

She also decided that since we were celebrating, that it would also be her new invisible friend's birthday (Wilbur apparently turned 3 today) so that is why she has 2 plates in front of her: 1 is Wilbur's and she did NOT touch his cupcake! I think she thought it odd that Joshua & I shared a plate!

Anyway, I wanted to share a little bit more of our birthday party for Joshua and tell you that I love you and have been thinking of you and Shane today and praying for you both as I know this is a bittersweet day. 

Your little love-bug is never far from my mind and will never be forgotten. 

❤  xoxo ❤ 

Mary

Oh Child of Mine

"Hey, Mary!"


My 8 year old nephew comes bouncing outside with a bang of the screen door to where I sit in the heat watching our two cats roll luxuriously in the sun. He has been inside, in our office, changing to go on a shopping trip with Gramma as Target failed to send his birthday gift in a timely manner and now the hunt is on to find it in a store--any store. From tears to excitement in 2 seconds flat!

I look up and smile, "Yes?"

"Hey, Mary! I just saw a picture of you with your child!"

My heart skips I beat. I know exactly what picture he's talking about--one that no one seems to notice or comment on. But I pretend to misunderstand him and reply, "You mean the picture of me as a child?" Interesting how he used the words "your child" my mind muses in a second's time span.

"No, no! The one of you with your child. You're holding him in your arms and you're both smiling!" My heart feels pierced by an arrow and a lump forms in my throat and I'm glad my transition lenses are now dark so he can't see my eyes--but my lips form a smile.

"Oh...that picture..."

"I didn't know you had a kid...where is he?" Van asks innocently but seriously.

How to respond to an newly-turned-eight-year-old?

"Well...actually...hmmmm.... Yes, his name is Ovideo and he lives in a country far from here called Romania. He's what is called an orphan--he had no parents, well, actually he had parents but they had too many children to take care of because...well, never mind about that, so they made him, ummm, ok never mind, he didn't have parents..." (Van's eyes are now really wide & he's not interrupting me.) "...so he had to live on the streets and in tunnels under ground."... (damn this lump in my throat!) ..."but then this wonderful lady from America found him and brought him to this home she started, The Place of Hope"...(actually City of Hope, but I didn't want him to think it was a whole city rather than the building it actually was at the time)..."and he got to live there and was very happy there."

"When I was 26 years old I went there during summer to help work with the kids who lived in The Place of Hope and one of them was Ovideo. Even though he only looks like he was maybe 7 years old in that picture he was actually 10 years old. And we did fall in love with each other. I love him just as much as if he were my own child--as much as I love you. And he loved me too and called me mommy."

Van has sat speechless while I told him the story. And I, amazingly, have managed not to cry. But I knew it was coming:  the question. Yup, he asked it: "So where is he? How come he doesn't live with you?"

I sigh. "Well, Van, I really, really wanted him to come live with me--more than anything."

"So why didn't he?"

"Well, he couldn't. I couldn't stay in Romania"...(once more the accusing voice in my head says you could have tried)..."and I wasn't allowed to bring him home with me. Romania and the United States didn't just let you do that no matter how much you loved each other." ...(especially if you're young & broke)..."and you see, Ovideo also had a little brother who was 6 years old, who also lived at The Place of Hope, his name was Sebastian, but we called him Sebi..."

(Side note: six years old was the "magic" age when their father kicked one of their many children out of their house--per Romania's former dictator's rule all families must have as many children as possible and if you couldn't take care of them, don't worry, the government would in these "beautiful" orphanages--that were hideous. When Ceauşescu was overthrown, the orphanages fell apart and/or children ran away from them. In the  meantime families were "stuck" with the many offspring Ceauşescu had demanded of them, many of whom were thrown out on the street, thus the enormous amount of street children that the western world began hearing about in the early & mid-1990s. Ovideo's father had determined that his many kids could begin fending for themselves at the age of 6. When Angie, founder of City of Hope, found him, he had fended for himself for 3 years. Angie managed to find his mother, so when his little brother turned 6, she told Sebi where to hide when his father turned him out. That night she secretly brought him to Orasul Sperantei so he never had to spend a night on the streets--never had to be raped, or prostituted to survive, was never exposed to all the lice and diseases [Ovideo had TB], never had to go hungry. And he was reunited with his brother.)

"...So you see, I would also have had to bring Sebi home with me too, which I would have loved to have done. But I wasn't allowed to...but I kept track of them both for as long as I could. Do you know that Ovideo would be 25 or 26 years old now? Isn't that crazy?!"

Van is quiet for moment. "Oh...that's kinda sad." Then he hops up and runs inside when Gramma calls and happily goes off with her in search of his (late) birthday present.

I listen to the garage door slam, followed by the big garage door opening and closing as they drive away. And all the tears I've held back while talking to Van suddenly start to flow. I gulp and begin to sob.

People said I'd forget...that I'd get "over it." People were wrong. I've never forgotten. I've never gotten over it. My heart is still broken and I keep that part of it locked away. I never speak of this little boy who is now a man the age I was when I met him. The pictures from my time in Romania are all packed away because it hurts me to look at them. Only one remains out: the one no one ever comments on or ever even seems to notice. The one my observant nephew saw today.

One of the happiest days of my life. The first day I was ever called Mommy. Someone snapped that picture at about that same time. A picture that I usually view through a blur of tears.

It turned out that Ovideo, who stole & broke my heart was the only child to ever call me Mommy. I was never able to adopt him. When we had to part it was seriously like a scene out of Not Without My Child. People pulling us apart. Those taking him back to  Orasul Sperantei  and those pulling me away to go to the airport.

Ovideo grew up happy at City of Hope. I grew older, worked, never met a man who was marriage or father material. Around the time I was thinking of in vitro fertilization (IVF), I got sick. I learned from my neurologist that getting pregnant could "kill me." Kind-hearted people said, "You could always adopt." Now I know it's a good thing I hadn't done IVF right before I got sick or adopt, as I'm often not well enough to care for myself on my own, let alone a child. (But it still took me several years of counseling to be okay with the whole thing.)

I absolutely love being an aunt--it brings me untold happiness. It practically fills to the brim that empty space inside of me that longs for children. My nieces & nephews bring me endless joy and delight. I cannot get enough of them!

But, in my secret heart of hearts, I remember my little boy, who lit up my life by filling my arms for a brief time, and brought me secret joy and tears for the remainder, the one who called me Mommy.

Summer,1996

Thank you, Van, for noticing him. And for asking about him--and listening to my answer. You're a pretty special kid yourself!

Happiness & Joy

These two melt my heart & fill it with happiness & joy...and such gratitude: how very blessed am I!

Sleep-Overs, Hospitals, Princesses & The Man in Black

Last weekend we had our first official sleep over of the summer with Van, Kenyan, and Teagan. That first afternoon/evening we had a hospital with doctors & nurses upstairs, a cafe & restaurant downstairs, princesses & cowboys, pattern blocks were played with, a pizza picnic party, played with Auntie M's CPAP machine (or "Puffer" as Teagan calls it), watched & danced to the songs from Mary Poppins (Teagan's pick), watched the Polar Express (Van's pick), the kids took turns taking looooooong bubble baths in Gramma's deep tub, and finally kids were in PJs and snuggled in to various beds in Gramma's big room & watched narrated "movies" of 4 or 5 of Eric Carle's books before everyone (including Gramma) passed out into a deep sleep while Auntie M went around the house turning off lights before turning in herself! All of this was crammed into the hours between about 4:30 and 10:30!!!

In the morning there was more doctors and nurses and restaurant staff running about before and after  a breakfast of pancakes (with syrup & whipped cream) & bacon & sausage & hot chocolate--with Kenyan's choice of Lady & the Tramp playing.  After eating Kenyan and Gramma curled up and watched the end of the movie (Gramma's favorite) while Teagan & Van teamed up to cure all the ills afflicted our stuffed animals.

Later the girls once more became princesses...but Van, ahhhh Van! He be came: Johnny Cash, the Man in Black! It was awesome!

The best part was when I put music on and Van Johnny swept off his hat and asked Princess Kenyan to dance! 

Oh did they dance! (Notice Kenyan's 3 inch heels! You know they're growing up when they show up to a sleep over with 2--count them--2!!! pairs of high heeled shoes!! She is 9-going-on-10-going-on-20 apparently!)

And on that note: it is officially July 7th!!! Happy 8th Birthday to our little man in Black: 

the one and only Van!!!!!

And as of July 12th, Kenyan hits double digits and turns 10!!! 

A Happy Birthday to Kenyan too!!!

Doesn't matter how old you get: I'll always love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!