It's 12:30p. I've been up for 3 hours. Most of those 3 hours have been spent talking with mom & crying.
Crying over all the grief & pain in the world...crying over Maddie and Cora...over my sister & her husband's 5 month old nephew who had his first surgery this morning for a severe cleft palatte (successful but scary nonetheless) but mostly over my sweet nephew.
I suppose this morning could be viewed as "unproductive" but I don't think so. Sometimes you just have to fall apart a little bit...as long as you can pick the broken pieces back up off the floor, and keep breathing and keep going....
For those wondering, grief is not a rollercoaster: those rides come to an end. It's more like being in a dingy in the ocean with gentle swells (where you can catch your breath) and huge thundering tidal waves that sometimes knock ya right outta the dingy. But you cling to the "life-line"(any life-line!) and haul yourself back into the boat and keep on living. I guess.