Wednesday, April 21

Ma Compagne Ininterrompu...


Ma Compagne Ininterrompu...Douleur

Doesn't that sound so much nicer than "My constant companion...pain." Makes being in pain at least sound more glamorous.

Sadly, I don't really speak French...I'd had plans/dreams once of going to the Loire region in France to study it for a year or so. But those have gone on hold (probably permanently) because of ma maladie (my illnesses), so I dont even know if this (Ma Compagne Ininterrompu: Douleur) is even correct.

Regardless, the statement itself is true. And the past three days have been filled with more pain than usual. I had a fibro flare-up on Monday, probably caused by the inconvenience of one of my teeth breaking, falling out, disappearing last Tuesday. And then needing to wait for a custom crown to be made, during which time, the temporary cap fell out (on Sat). And then my dentist was out of town & his fill-in had the I had to fix it myself.

That pain probably triggered the fibro/neuropathy flare up on Monday which then cause excruciating mouth pain on Tuesday when my freakin' cap fell out (again). The pain radiated up into my sinuses, my ears, my neck. I wanted to blow my head off, thinking that wouldn't hurt as much (yes, I know that's illogical). I practically ODed on pain killers trying to keep the pain in check (which obviously it didn't).

But now my mouth is nicely numb again with a new temp cap in it while we wait to see if I can have the crown put in or if I'll have to have a root canal first.

Sadly, the intense pain I was in yesterday was most likely exacerbated by my constant "maladies": my hypersensitive nerves that send pain signals out with great gusto.

Because I find complaining about being in some form of constant pain boring/irritating (both for me and the listener), I really try not to complain too much. I actually try not to even think about it too much. Yesterday, however, it took every bit of conscious energy to not cry out in pain, vomit from pain, or become a total freakin' bitch to my mom who (being a saint) took even more special care of me than she already does on a regular basis.

Side-note: Seriously, my mom is awesome: she totally supports me emotionally, financially, and in every other way: cooking, cleaning, helping me with paperwork (which I have trouble with since suffering from not-so-temporary temporary encephalopathy-which is a nice word for brain damage) and on and on and on.

Anyway: this posting is one big complaint: I hate being in constant pain. I hate having dreams dashed. I hate living a limited lifestyle.

And then I remind myself that
a) my physical pain isn't as bad as other peoples'
b) physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain~especially grief
...So I should just suck it up and deal with it.

And I will.


I found this on Google Images. It's pretty good illustration of my life...I added the items in pale green (smaller font).

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